Saturday, January 17, 2009

They understood.

Yesterday was one of those awful days - you just want to forget it happened. But in this life, we don't get to do that. DH was supposed to be flying through an airport near here, so we could say a proper goodbye. Then he called, and said he wasn't, that they were flying through another airport, and we tried to say our goodbyes on the phone. When he went down to the training area last weekend (and he has a LOT to say about the horrendous waste of time that was) we said "see ya" - and now I feel oddly as if we never really said it, as if the sentence never got the full stop, as if the chapter has no proper conclusion. Does that make any sense?

The folks at work - clueless, completely clueless, and since they don't understand, they are distant and almost brusque. I don't want pity, maybe some sympathy for how I was feeling would have been nice - I got "oh well, it's probably better this way"... huh? how does that compute? it's better to not tell him goodbye, to tell him to be careful, to kiss him and hold on for just one more second? But then, they equate this with a week's fishing trip!

Then Kimba IMed and asked me how I was. I told her - and in minutes, we had a 4 person chat going on, with Bette, Lopsided Mom, Kimba and me. - and they understood. I could handle it better, when I said I felt numb - they understood. When I said I should plan my meltdown - they understood. And they made me smile, and laugh, because they understood.

The BSF4O women who I was talking to about the upcoming party (a different post about that later), they understood. That's when I realized, that it is important, that I have some friends who have been there, done that, got the Tshirts and hats and coffee mugs.. and that understand.

Thank you so much for being there, and understanding.



Jennifer said...

I have found that my civilian friends, through no fault of their own, either make way too much of things or completely dismiss them.

Our military spouse friends "get it". And thank goodness they do! What would we do without them?

I'm sorry you didn't get to connect with your husband and that you feel like you didn't get to say a proper goodbye. Take care of yourself. You and your husband are in my thoughts.

Sara said...

I'm sorry you didn't get a proper goodbye. I know exactly how you feel, like you didn't get to do the necessary part of saying goodbye. Good luck with everything.

LawRuh said...

Sorry about not being able to have your goodbye. Geez.
Yep, important to have friends like that. I'm still having that problem now. ughh...

Have a great weekend!

Bette said...

It's a t-shirt no one really wanted, but now that we've got it, we're sticking together. Holler if you need anything, y'hear?

Sarah said...

I get it too.
Hang in there!

Tucker said...

Oh, that sucks. I am so sorry you didn't get to say your real goodbye. My heart goes out to you and you have every right to have your melt-down. But I understand too and we are all here for you! *hugs*

kimba said...


Any old time. Really.

Susi said...

I guess the civilians don't understand the fact that you need to say a "proper" good-bye. It's one of those crucial moments of "what-if" and can make you feel guilty. I'm sorry you didn't get it and completly understand the importance of it.

Butterfly Wife said...

I'm so sorry you didn't get your good-bye. It certainly doesn't make it any easier.

I hope your meltdown was just what you needed. Personally, I prefer a pint of B&J's and reruns of SATC.

Take care.

The Army Wife said...

Hey lady ... sorry your goodbye didn't happen the way you wanted to. We military spouses definitely understand the importance of that goodbye ... I know from my experiences that it's one of the important memories you hold on to during the deployment. Having that last moment with them is not something that get's taken lightly.

I hope you feeling better today. We're here if you need us!

loquita said...

Nothing throws me off my game faster than a change in plans... ugh, it sucks your plans for a proper goodbye got messed up. Thank goodness for modern technology that keeps us in touch with our support network.


LopsidedMom said...

"My husband went to Iraq and all I got was this stupid t-shirt." I swear I've wanted to print that up for a very long time!
You rock.

slightly salty said...

Oh LAW, that just SUCKS!!! I cried reading this. What a lame response by co-workers. Only somebody that doesn't get it would say something that idiotic. Those final moments we have with our loved ones before they ship off to war are precious and vital and to have that opportunity taken away is rotten. You have your "imaginary" friends here if you need us! Hugs.