Saturday, March 25, 2006

A new bumper sticker on my car

And it's one I never wanted to put on there. It describes me more than all the others, even the "Proud Liberal" , the "Army with Pride", the Texas village missing it's idiot. When you see it on a car, think about what it means. The family separated, the hours spent waiting for phone calls, for emails, for a letter full of dust and sand. The cell phone carried everywhere, email account checked and rechecked 30 times a day. The sleep that doesn't come, the lying in that big bed all alone and the long sleepless nights. Running to look at the TV screen if there's a report about where they are, taping the report and going through it as slow as possible... is he there? Is that him? "the one in the green suit and the hat...." in a sea of uniforms and helmets, in the rain.

Tell me, since when do I cry at stupid songs? For heaven's sake, I bawled my eyes out listening to the radio playing Angry American (Toby Keith's jingoistic, idiotic ode to knee jerk reactions) Since when does a stupid telemarketer asking for him make me stop short. Since when do I leave his slippers in the bathroom.. for the past two months? Since when do I sit clutching his shirt just to smell him.....

Since the day he called and told me he was deploying. Since last Friday, when I drove to the airport in Jackson, crying so hard I scared myself. Since I landed here at home, to the empty house, the empty bed, the empty life I fill up with work, and books.

The Bumper Sticker: Half my heart is in Iraq. It might as well say my life is in Iraq. and it is. So I'll keep going, going to work, baking and making for him and others deployed, taking the dog out and to the vet, combing the cat, cleaning the house. but remember,

Half my heart is in Iraq.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Can't write

It's been such a week and a bit... and I just can't write. There's too much to say, and the words are just all jammed up. The wonderful trip, the very "southern experience" we had with shades of Faulkner and Tenneseee Williams, the fun, great food, silly little things.. and the goodbye. Maybe I can write more during the week. For right now, let's just say I'm a little fragile right now.


Sunday, March 05, 2006

Just a mish mash of stuff!

Now tell the truth... isn't that the cutest baby you ever saw? Husband says she's solemn, but then babies don't smile when they are this little (except when they have gas!)

Getting ready for my trip South. Have to get out summer clothes, here it's snowing right now, and down there, it's in the 70s. Yeah, ask me again why we moved here. I'm STILL trying to figure that out!

Made all sorts of reservations for fun B&B's . I think they'll be fun... Don't know about Husband. I thought he'd like them, but reactions so far to the websites has been tepid. Lots of "if you like it, dear" type comments. Oh well, maybe he'll come round. Looking forward to some decent food as well. Unfortunately, there are "festivities" scheduled, instead of just allowing us to be alone and have some fun by ourselves. Instead, lots of marching about, ceremonies, forced frivolity and a picnic. This type of thing is NOT for the families, or the troops. It's for the stay behinds, the politicians and the media. And can you believe, one of the wives actually posted on a website that it is a privilege and honour for us to be "allowed" to go down and see our husbands/wives/kids/brothers etc... hmmm. I'd say that wife is well indoctrinated, what about you? I'm sure she thinks that this whole thing is a righteous crusade against EEEEvl. Makes my skin crawl. Won't it be so fun to spend some "quality"time with these types. I will need to blog alot... just to vent.

Work is great. Lots of work, and spending a day and a half reviewing documents on the computer for redactin, was a real pain in the neck.... My massage therapist says I need to relax!! So I got one of those corn bags that you heat up and put over the neck. Now that the inflammation of the cartilage between my ribs is healed, some yoga would help too. But the work itself is good, and I like the people there. Not a lot of forced frivolity, but if you find a few minutes to chat with someone, that isn't frowned on. They seem to realize that we are adults, we get our jobs done on time and do it well, and don't need babysitters. Firms that do try to babysit their staff, really make me nuts. I resent being made to feel guilty if I spend a couple of minutes on the phone with a repairman. I agree, there are those who spend HOURS on the phone with friends/kids whatever. But there has to be a happy medium!

Doing a bunch of BIO blogging. I actually had someone appreciate one of my comments and copy it to something they are writing. That's a hell of compliment! Those who write a lot of posts on BIO are very good writers, some do it for a living, and they have been kind enough to tell me they like my writing too. Wow. Maybe I could do it too? There's so much to say. Between SoDak making abortion illegal in that state, POTUS making all sorts of an ass of himself and deciding that he is above the law when it comes to eavesdropping without a warrant, Deadeye Dick Deferment Cheney... and some of the commentors on BIO could drive you nuts! A 16 year old conservative (the child needs a life) who babbles about a lot of things he doesn't understand, one nasty type who, when he can't come up with a response, condemns us all to the fiery pits of hell.. etc. etc... But the discussions are great, and most of the commentators are thoughtful men and women who will make points and enjoy a good discussion.

Time to get on with more trip preparations. Talk to you later.