Thursday, August 02, 2007

Insult all military wives, you insult me

There is a blogger who has decided that all military wives are stupid, dumb, and idiots for remaining military spouses. She calls herself "a feminist" and she decides that after three years of screaming at all of us and the military in general who don't bow to her greater intellect and intelligence, she was done. She has quoted some idiot who decided that military spouses are all subservient, that we condone our spouses being unfaithful, that don't say boo.. well, that made my husband laugh!! I've been a feminist since before she was born! So has he.

When I commented on her blog, she got terribly upset, deciding that I was personally insulting her. However, of course, she won't publish my comment... oh, don't try to get to her site.... she's decided to make it invitation only. hmmmm. that's called not having the strength of your convictions, if you can't allow someone to criticise or oppose your way of thinking....ah well. so much for having a deep conviction in what you believe.

SO - to the Formerly Feminist military wife - Click here: On being a feminist & military spouse

Honey, you may have a dozen degrees, a veritable alphabet soup behind your name. Well, so do many others, including another blogger I have discussed this with, who is equally insulted by your ridiculous generalities. I told you that if you had that opinion about all military wives, you should look in the mirror since you are defining people, and if you don't like yourself, get some counseling. I also told you that you should take your degrees and your attitude and cram it, after you decided that anyone who willingly stays with their military spouse without demanding that the military change, was an idiot, and not a feminist. Course, no one knows how I insulted you, you are too scared to publish it. So do us all a favour, take your degrees, and leave us alone. We have enough problems. I refuse to be defined by anyone, especially someone who is so dismissive of thousands of women and men who are military spouses. I detest being slotted by any definition, feminist, liberal, military wife, white female.... whatever. Your decision to reinforce all the stereotypes that we military spouses are labeled with, is of no help to any of us at all, especially those of us who refuse to be categorized and stuffed in a pigeonhole. So don't, ever, label one of us again.... we are individuals, even you. After all, I didn't say that EVERY overeducated, self important female was a jerk.



Kimba said...

Right on. Stereotypes suck.

Kim said...

That is OUTRAGEOUS! i read her popsts and I almost screamed out loud. i am raging radical feminist, i hate this administration but I love my National Guard husband with every ounce of me. It sickens me to see feminists fall back on this whole "I'm more feminist than you" schtick! I am so over it!

Kimba said...

To be fair - now that I have had time to think - she is writing her thoughts on her blog. I may strongly disagree, but it's not for me to say she shouldn't write these things, even if I find them to be counterproductive and hurtful.

However, I do wish I didn't feel like she reached out to fellow feminists and then, once she had our attention, gave us the brush-off with what feels like very harsh criticism, intended or not. That is what I take issue with the most. If all she was ever doing was posting her thoughts, then I wish she had told me that when I made contact with her initially, rather than fostering a connection only to blow me off when she had an epiphany.

I feel more hurt by a friend than pissed off at yet another bunch of crappy assumptions about military spouses. I mean, I am used to those.

Susan said...

People that blanket judge others, drive me insane. Not everybody fits nicely into a category. I did read the posts, so she can't touch me in that way. Some people just like to stir the pot, I guess.

cc said...

I am glad you took the time to address this individual, but don't use/waste anymore of your mind space giving credence to someone so egotistical and narrow minded.

Kristen said...

People who make generalizations are often a waste of time.

(Did I just generalize? ;) )

Kimba said...

Kristen -

Thanks for the laugh! Your comment reminded me of something I heard at some point (don't know who to attribute it so, sadly) - when accused of using generalizations, this person facetiously said, "Hell, stereotypes save time".

Lee Anne said...

Wow. This really hits home for me... And, has given me something to stew on... When I married my military man, a few fellow feminists in academia (where I work, too) dismissed me outright. BUT, quite a few of them respected my choice. Because that's what it's all about -- respecting choices! And, I think it's foolhardy to evaluate others' choices as feminist or not...

Just as some people wear their spouses' rank, quite a few others, unfortunately, wear their degrees as armor. As I read in the New York Times this morning, from Michael Ignatieff: "As a former denizen of Harvard, I’ve had to learn that a sense of reality doesn’t always flourish in elite institutions. It is the street virtue par excellence. Bus drivers can display a shrewder grasp of what’s what than Nobel Prize winners. The only way any of us can improve our grasp of reality is to confront the world every day and learn, mostly from our mistakes, what works and what doesn’t."

We all do what we can...

Scully's Moulder said...

I got all excited about responding to one of her posts and completely forgot that you said she'd restricted it. (goofball me) I typed up what I think was a fabulous response so I'll just put it here in the hopes that she finds it, that is of course if you don't mind. She seems like she has a lot of pent up anger at indiidual societal institutions.

It is not my intention to push anyone's buttons here, so please don't take it that way. We have some similarities. I'm married to an active duty service member. I'm a veteran. I'm an ex-Mormon. I'm a university student of psychology. And I think I'm a feminist too.

I left the Mormon church for the same reasons as you (or at least similar). Hearing that the only way women of that faith can hold the priesthood was by wrapping their arms around their husbands didn't seem right to me. Racial exclusion of blacks pissed me off too, and I'm white. Those two reasons and the fact that my parents crammed Mormonism down my throat for 16 years until I was emancipated led to a satisfying dissolution of my relationship with that religious organization.

Gender inequality is rampant the world over (lesser so in Sweden and in a few tribes in Africa and India), not just in the LDS church and the military. The civil-rights movement didn't come close to undoing the thousands of years of patriarchal terrorism the world has seen, even in the relative infancy of this country. Even in our currency, save for a couple of coins, women are not present.

I agree that societal equality for women is nonexistent. I would like to point out, though, that many women choose to live in traditional relationships, to fulfill traditional roles, and are quite contented with it. I don't think that will change until the dissatisfaction with those relationships and roles becomes greater than it currently is.

Certainly, there are disenfranchised women in all aspects of society as it relates to sex role expectations (social definition, not mine). For many of them, a lack of alternatives that are more appealing than their present situation prevents them from effecting positive changes in their lives in terms of equality.

I don't think that those who desire change should sit down and shut up. For those who are satisfied with the status-quo, perhaps they haven't been exposed to the splendorous liberation of being an individual first; or perhaps, it is simply their choice.

Certainly, spousal occupation, religious affiliation, class status, education level, parent or non-parent, or a myriad of other things should not, by themselves, define who a person is. It is, however, important to remember that these things are a part of each person.

I too am dissatisfied with the labeling and categorical definitions associated with owning the hat of "military spouse", but that does not diminish my role as a husband to a service member. There are times when I am dissatisfied with owning the hat of "parent", but that does not diminish my role as a father.
I can't simply dispose of these hats and relieve myself of their associated responsibilities because I don't like the way they fit at a particular moment.

I offer this suggestion. Instead of swinging the sword of gender equality at the individual heads of the many-headed beast, thrust at the heart of the beast itself.

Army Mom Times Three said...

Awh, that's the sweet, gentle, LAW I love so much! You go girl!

Marine Wife said...

Interesting, considering that the military has usually been ahead of wider society in terms of equality and equal opportunity.

While military spouses often have circumstances in common, I don't think you can put a blanket label on us. We are such a diverse group. And thank God for it. We all bring different strengths and skills to the table.

As a feminist, I don't think supporting my husband and choosing this life with him is in any way subservient. If anything, military spouses have to be stronger and more independent than their civilian counterparts are called to be out of sheer necessity.