Decision Made.

Secretary Gates has made his decision. Today he announced that the decision as to whether to allow the media to be at Dover AFB and take pictures when a fallen service member is returned home, is to be decided by the family. And since then, some of the comments I have read are both ridiculous, insulting and "Just plain ignorant". I need to know this - if this is MY husband or son, why am I going to leave something like this to the government? This is MY family, not theirs, not yours, it's MINE. Less Government - hmmm. who does THAT sound like???

Secretary Gates (and may we gently point out that he was appointed by the last Republican Administration) wanted to overturn this last year, before the election, but was dissuaded. Why, we don't really know. Me, what do I think SecDef was thinking ? I think he realized that hiding the true cost of the wars, was not the right way to treat our fallen. That if you are going to show the farewells with all the flags flying and the bands playing and the tears of the families as they say goodbye, you damned well should give those families the option to show the final farewells. You cannot just use us when you want to do the heartstrings stirring, flag waving, patriotic speech. You better be there when we are paying that last sacrifice.

When you show the homecomings with the joy and bands and yellow ribbons, you don't show what happens later, the tears and the getting to know our marriage again. THERE'S the scandal, THERE'S the insult to our troops. Show it ALL or show NONE.

This decision is one small private bit of our lives. And yes, I'm sure it's going to end up with a form, and there will be battles between the family members, and this might even make some people (ahem... yeah, you know who you are) make a decision, or at least have some input into this horrible part of planning for the future that we have to do every time our soldier deploys (YES, I know, I said soldier... I'm Army... you know I mean service member, but I'm sick of using that!)

What would I do? I don't know. I really don't . I find the photograph that was used by Military.com, which is above, to be a quietly moving photograph. I don't know these fallen, I do know that they are loved and honored. The Guard of Honor around them are taking them home, and they are not alone.

LAW

Pictures, Coffins and Families

As you may have read, the Secretary of Defense is reviewing the policy of taking photographs of coffins of the recently fallen soldiers from Iraq and Afghanistan arriving at Dover AFB. This is one of those subjects that makes those of us who have family members serving - think, twitch and wonder what would we do.

As Andi on SpouseBuzz said - we plan funerals, in our heads. Yes, I've planned DH's, (with no help from him, other than a request for Dixie played by bagpipes). And I haven't thought about the media, other than to hope they will show some respect. That, unfortunately, isn't what has happened at many funerals. I went to nine funerals last deployment, and the media held back - it could have been that Midwestern reticence, but I'll figure it was the Patriot Guard!

So how do I feel about it? I don't honestly know. I've read other blogs about it, I've always thought that maybe the other 99% of the US population should see the true cost of the war; not just the money, but the lives - the lives lost, the lives shattered, the lives of the children losing a parent, the lives of the friends who mourn. But those same families and friends have the right to mourn in private, to survive the pain without cameras in their faces.

How do I feel? Confused. I know that I understand the families' point of view that don't want the pictures taken, I know I understand those that say these coffins, when they arrive, don't have names on them that can be seen by photographers, that no-one is saying that they want to take pictures of widows and parents receiving the coffins, but is this the slippery slope we hear so much about? If we allow a photograph of a coffin on a plane floor, does that mean we will allow a picture of a woman kissing the coffin, of a child hugging the coffin holding her daddy?

And I want Secretary Gates to ask us. Not the Generals, not the under secretary of whatever, ask us. We are the ones who this will affect, we are the ones who live with this possibility. Please, tell me what you think.

LAW